The War on Christmas

“Christmas is really for the kids.”

I’m sure you’ve heard that too at some point in your life.  Well, what does it mean?  It’s obvious, right?  Kids get the presents, believe in Santa Claus, get excited about toy trains and decorated trees and television specials.

Adults are more jaded, and our traditions revolve around food, beverage, and quite often action/horror movies.

That’s the reason for the season!

No mention of Christ’s birth that supposedly represent the healing, transformative power of Christmas.  Not even the pagan rituals are mentioned.  Nope, the true magic of Christmas is in a jolly, old elf and another elf on the shelf that keeps your kids MORE behaved than normal.

You see, Christmas already has lost almost all of it’s religious meaning, which is a fact that gets Christian red in the face when they watch their favorite political pundit rage on tv.

But that’s just the hype, people.  That’s a corporate machine with a very different agenda than you believe.  (Bill O’Reilly for example sayed Christianity was “not a religion.”  Truly a man who understands Christmas and should be rewarded with the purchase of “Killing Christ” for everyone on your nice list this year!)

NOW TRANSITIONING TO SATIRE.

Let’s address the white elephant gift in the room.  Let’s clearly define the War on Cristmas.

The real enemy of the holiday are not the atheists.  They LOVE the holiday, even if some of them call it Xmas.

And it’s not the Jews.  Nope, they love to go to the movies on Christmas, and that’s a sacred tradition in America.

It’s the poor.

What the hell are they thinking?  Some of them are even vowing to control their spending this year and not rack up a debt that will have them paying credit payments until next Christmas!  As the song goes, “Do they know it’s Christmas afterall?”  (Of course the limosine liberals responsible for that song think the cure for showing them it is Christmas afterall is to “Feed the world.”  Can you imagine anything MORE Communist/anti-Christmas than that?!)

And who are the victims of this genocide?  Who suffers?  Well, that’s easy, isn’t it?  Why, it’s the most descriminated group of people in the 21st Century, that’s who!  Rich, white Conservatives.

How can the Wal*Mart (a verified person, my friend) afford to give each of his children a sports car with a big bow on it (as the commercials suggest is the best gift to give) if these lazy poor people don’t get off their frost-bitten butts and slug it out over the last Cabbage Patch kid?  Have they no shame!

So please poor folks. . .  Go listen to some truly Christian Christmas carols (like “Frosty the Snowman,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – all owned by corporation peoples), let your Grinch heart grow, and fill your sleigh with crap your kids will forget about by New Year’s.

Afterall, Christmas is all about the kids!

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